On Thursday, the 17th of March, at about 9am, your under-cover reporter approached Twinnies car park disguised as a dog-walker and was taken aback to find a lady adding to an immense pile of rubbish by the already overflowing bins. The scene was so incongruous that questions had to be asked and duly were. After intense interrogation, the story came out.

This visitor from Southport was going to meet a friend in Wilmslow at 9. She had come at 7 for a walk in the Carrs. It was a walk she was never to take. No sooner had she stepped out of her car than she noticed a baby’s carry-chair sitting forlornly by the bridge. As she approached, more and more rubbish came into view, strewn down the bank to the river. Filled with righteous indignation, but with no guilty party in sight, she set to on the clean-up. Two hours later, she was still at it.

Your correspondent could not help digging a little deeper. And the findings throw a very different light on the incident: prescription medicine with a name on the packet, most of the tablets still in their wrapping, and a credit card in good condition with a different name. Could it be that this was not your usual idiot? That what we were looking at was an after-crime scene, the detritus of two or more burglaries?

Your reporter phoned the police, who were straight on the job. Cheshire East were likewise informed and agreed that, yes, this could be a significant find. And the bin men cleared the crime scene. And so this drama ended. For now.